Can You Let Go?

Hello Window Three readers, and welcome back to another week of YOUR LIFE, and another article on the Window Three blog!  I wish each of you a Great Day and a Great Week!  This past week gave us one of America’s most popular sporting events that takes place each year in the Super Bowl.  If you are like many people across this great land, you most likely found a nice spot to watch the game, surrounded by obnoxiously large sandwiches, pizza, friends, and (for me) extremely HOT buffalo wings.  Probably all was great until just after half-time, when you started thinking ahead to the work week ahead, and dreaded having to get up early.  Am I right?  Close?  

Well, either way, that’s not really what I came to talk about, however it does serve as a great lead in to the rest of our conversation.  A conversation that is represented well by the matchup between the favored Indianapolis Colts and New Orleans Saints.  It’s no secret that having grown up in the Hoosier State, I tend to favor the Indianapolis Colts.  In fact, I really only follow two teams, the Indiana Hoosiers (basketball) and the Indianapolis Colts.  Until the past couple years in my life, I was religious in my defense of them both.  Fortunately though, I let go.  

Most all of us know a person that is a so called, “Die hard fan” of a team.  They take pride in what they wear on game day.  Possibly even sporting tattoos in the shape of team logos.  They make you “shut up” when the game is on, and they will defend their team till the end of time.  Yet what is most defining about these “Die hard fans” is their one of two emotions that they are capable of sporting after a game, extreme happiness or extreme anger.  Let it go.     

My attitude has changed quite drastically over the past few years regarding the teams I cheer for.  I came to a realization that it’s just a game.  Rather than locking myself into cheering for a team, it makes more sense to cheer for players, and what they represent.  For example, as a Hoosier fan, I used to HATE the Duke Blue Devils, as did most of the country.  After all, they always seemed to get the best players, and they always seemed to be one of the best teams!  Sounds like a good reason to hate them to me!  

Then I started to think about it, and came to the realization that the Duke Blue Devils represent everything that is good for the tradition of basketball.  For one, they have one of the best graduation rates in the country.  Their players aren’t “one and done,” but tend to play all four years.  Their players are well diverse, well behaved and come from all backgrounds and lifestyles.  Top that off with a coach who is one of the most respected people in sports today and has not had any type of controversy regarding cheating or ethics surrounding his program.  I think we can all agree that this is what we want when we think about our own programs.  He built that, I respect that, so I let go.  

It’s an objectivity that we all tend to lack, and it comes from our early and often attempts to define our lives.   For example, when defining ourselves or describing ourselves to others, we typically tie the description into our past.  In my particular case, I would’ve said, “Hi, I’m Jon Nodine.  I grew up in a small midwest town called Bluffton.  I attended Norwell High School.  After graduation I attended the Indiana University, Kelley School of Business where I majored in Finance, Marketing and Management.  I studied overseas.  I’ve lived in Nashville, Jacksonville and Louisville.  I started in Sales and worked my way up the corporate ladder to become a National Sales Trainer.  I’m an author, marathon runner, and enjoy golf.  My wife’s name is April and I have a dog named Tate.  That’s me!

Really?  That doesn’t sound like me.  That sounds like many items that I’ve attached to me.  Items that I can associate with me.  Items that I cheer for.  Items that I’ve grown fond of, but not me.  When telling you about “ME,” it should entail experiences and emotions that are still with me, ideas that are in my head.  That’s me.  Adjectives describe a person, not nouns.   

It was for this reason that I am now a fan of the Duke Blue Devils.  I learned to look at them as less of what they are and more of what they represent.  You might say that I was able to “let go” of a part of my life (Hoosier Basketball) in search of something I believed in (Duke’s Adjectives).  OK, that last sentence might have been too much of a stretch to be made in one phrase.  Please read it again and try and make that leap with me for just a moment.     

None of this is to say that I no longer like the Colts or the Hoosiers.  They are both still two of my favorite teams.  This is all just to say that I no longer root for something solely on the basis of my association with it.  I root for what something else represents and have found that when I detach myself from my past, I have so many more choices regarding the emotions to be experienced in the future.  

My grandparents are in the process of moving out of their life long home.  It’s the first home they lived in together, the home they watched their children grow up in, the home that holds all of their memories and the home they no longer need nor can take care of.  The home they’ve decided to sell.  To say it’s been tough for them to part with these items would be an understatement.  They have the garage full of boxes, the shed full of “stuff.”  The furniture, dishes and priceless items that have been passed down.  In other words, all the things that defined them for so many years.  My grandparents feel like they are losing a part of their life.  For those of us watching, it’s been a reality check.  A reminder that one day we will all be faced with the choice of letting go if we can’t do it earlier.  

For the past 100 years or so, it seems to me that we’ve lived in a society that placed an emphasis on having possessions as a measurement of success.  We’ve fought and worked for achieving these possessions and when it comes time to let go of them, it seems as though we are letting go of our lives.  I see a shift taking place to that idea.  More and more people are realizing that possessions are not what defines us or our success in life, but rather, we are defined by our experiences and emotions.  Happy, sad, hopeful, angry, excited.  These are words that we take with us.  These are possessions that you never let go of.  They are our memories and our emotions, and they are what define your character.  

In the past, had the Colts played in the Super Bowl and lost, it would have ruined my year!  I would have dreaded hearing “MY” team was runner-up.  I would have hated that the Saints would have been talked about for the entire off season, but fortunately for me, I’ve learned to let go.  

Prior to the game, I made myself aware of all the good that was associated with the Saints.  Everything their team and fans have been through, and all that their coach and quarterback represent.  These are things that I can root for!  Even when they employed trick plays to stun the Colts, I looked for the good in that, and found a team that is willing to do whatever it takes to win!  My team, the Indianapolis Colts, looked like they didn’t want to lose.  While it was the Saints who looked like they wanted to win, and I can get on board with that.  Why?  Because I’m not defined by a team, I’m defined by emotion and more important, finding the good in anything.

I’m not saying you can’t have a favorite team.  You can, and you should.  However, just realize you don’t need them to have definition.  You don’t need to own a city to have success.  You don’t need to worry about whether your mother’s baby crib will one day be used by another family member.  You need to be happy, and that is accompanied by a willingness to search for the good in anything.  It means change.  

I see all of us as boats floating out in the water.  Somewhere, we got the idea to tie our boats up to piers, which is all great when everything goes as planned.  However, when something unexpected comes along like a storm or a tough economy, our boats are unable to roll with the waves.  Instead, they get slammed up against the pier and the shoreline.  When we can’t let go of the ropes, those waves are ten times harder to deal with.  


Put this to use: Make note of those “Ropes” that might be keeping you from floating happily on the water.  It could be a job you are unhappy with, a lifestyle you’re addicted to, or possessions that occupy all your time.  Learn to let go, they don’t define you and therefore are simply a momentary choice.  

Take something small like a rival you usually cheer against and try watching one of their games, looking for the good in them.  Find reasons why you don’t need those items in your garage that are taking up so much space, and get rid of them.  Your happiness shouldn’t depend on possessions. Focus on your experiences and emotions.  What makes you happy is the direction your boat should be floating in. Have a great week everyone!