Are Looks Still Important?

Great Day Window Three readers and WELCOME BACK!  It is to be hoped that you are feeling the same as me… I am feeling very refreshed after just returning from a one week vacation at my family’s lake house in Northern Indiana!  During our time there, one of the highlights of the week was a rarely held Nodine Reunion for my Dad’s side of the family.  In fact, I see this side of the family so rarely that the time between visits with some of them is often years. 

Nonetheless, my parents were super excited to be bringing the family together again and all imaginable preparations were made: family shirts signifying the event were worn, old family recipes were re-created, photo albums were put together, and the house was rearranged.  This is where I come in. 

Those that know me are aware that when it comes to home decor, I choose FUN over TRADITIONAL, FUNCTIONAL , and AESTHETICS.  That’s to say, I care little about how something looks... rather, I spend my time focusing on how it feels. 

My mother is just the opposite.  If there is counter space...it needs to be filled with something.  Furniture setup has more to do with looks than use, and if something doesn’t fit into the current arrangement, it doesn’t get thrown away...it is put in ‘storage.’  Please note:  This is not to say that her way is wrong and my way is right... this idea just helps give some perspective to our topic today. 

The furniture setup used by my mother and many individuals from her generation reminds me of the setup you find in a new home sales model.  In a sales model the room set up is done is such a way that everything looks great!  Always clean with the perfect furniture layout.  However, it isn’t until you buy the home that you realize looks can be deceiving. 

Needless to say, whenever I get the opportunity to spend time with my parents at their lake home, I am constantly challenging their thought process as it relates to my aforementioned  pet peeves.   And yes, I know that it is their home and I should shut my mouth... it’s something I’m working on. 

Regardless, it was music to my ears when, just prior to our family reunion, my mother asked me to change the layout for two rooms to make them more useable with a larger group.  It was even better when she later said that she liked the new arrangement and was going to keep it as the regular furniture layout. 

I know it might seem silly to you, but I couldn’t shake the thought of that experience on my way home from vacation.  You see, I have spent many moments thinking about how I would change the furniture setup to allow the rooms to be more inviting and open for conversation.  “Someday you’ll be able to set this up however you’d like, until then, deal with it.” was a phrase I heard often, as my parents were very comfortable with the designs they had envisioned in their home. 

Today, I want to use this story as a support beam for two ideas:  The first, and the idea in which we are going to place the majority of our emphasis, will revolve around society and how it’s changed over the past 60 years. The second has to do with change and challenging ourselves to alter our thinking from a “Looks Approach,” to a “Feel Approach.” 

A Society Changed

In the 1950’s, life was simple.  So simple in fact that some claim that time in American History to be amongst the ‘best.’  Men worked in blue collar jobs, women were housewives, and the baby boom was underway!  As it related to home design, 9 out of every 10 new homes being built were in the style of the California ranch house (or what has now become known as the ranch house).  These homes were typically set up with a formal living room, family room, small kitchen and three bedrooms.  All on one level.

To most, the 1950’s were still seen as strict.  Strict as it related to what people wore, strict as it related to the careers that people were in, strict as it related to how people acted and strict as it related to how they lived.  In other words, in the 1950’s you were more likely to adapt to what was seen as socially correct for the times and how you were viewed by others.  In the 1960’s that began to change, and change it did. 

Think back to the 1950’s, or if you are too young for that, just imagine the 1950’s.  How does it look in comparison to today?  How has the way people lived changed?  Or has it?

If I could use two words to describe the 1950’s they would be the following:  Assembly Line.  Everyone’s homes ‘looked’ the same, schedules were the same, incomes were the same, and goals were the same.  Everyone tried to “LOOK” the part.  

Things have changed.  Today, homes look nothing alike, nobody is on the same schedule, incomes vary tremendously, and we are all too busy to have goals.  If the challenge in the 1950‘s was to maintain your place, the challenge today is to maintain your pace.   Don’t try to do both. 

How is Your Furniture Laid Out?  

When you think about the layout of furniture, you have two choices: aesthetics or functionality, you can’t have both because when you go for aesthetics, you lose a little of your functionality and vice versa.   

In much the same way, life in the 1950’s was all about aesthetics, you did your best to go with the flow and look the part.  However, life today NEEDS to be about functionality, or how things feel.

When I redesigned my mother’s family room, I focused COMPLETELY on functionality.  Specifically, I wanted to open up the room a bit to allow traffic flow and more conversation.  I could have cared less how it looked.  In doing so, I completely changed the dynamics of the room.  Suddenly. it was easier to relax.  My grandfather, who has a walker, could now sit in any chair and not worry about his walker being in the way.  I no longer had to turn around to converse with everyone in the room, allowing me to listen more easily and thereby keep the conversation going longer and for more emotion to be exposed. 

Yes, I know this may sound a bit silly, but sometimes the little things can make a BIG difference.

The same can be said for how we live our lives.  Are your choices based more on how it makes you LOOK, or how it will make you FEEL?  Before you answer that, ask yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, what is your level of stress on a daily basis? 

Change the Furniture

Every day, I hear from or work with individuals that are putting themselves through OBSCENE amounts of stress on a daily basis.  They are exhausted.  But what can I say to them?  “You should look for a new career?”  I’m afraid I might get a, “Someday you’ll be able to set this up however you’d like, until then, deal with it.”

Folks, we have entered the era of functionality... go with what works for you and don’t worry about how it looks or what others might think... try new ideas and see what works.  This is one of the reasons being objective is so important to today’s world.  Without objectivity, what works is lost to what you think is needed.

There was a time in my life where I thought I needed to go out on the town any chance I could.  When I needed to own the biggest home, have the nicest car and keep up my high school title of being, “the best dressed.”  I was trying to “Look” the part.  A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to be more functional.  I left my career as a Sales Trainer, got rid of my Infiniti G35, left Florida to move back closer to family and moved into the basement of my in-laws.  From where I had been, I no longer LOOKED the part. 

Outside of marrying my wife, it was the best decision I’ve ever made.  Suddenly, it was easier to relax.   Spending time with my grandfather, or any family member for that matter, was no longer an ‘inconvenience,‘  and less stress has allowed me to listen more easily and thereby keep the conversation going longer and for more emotion to be exposed.  Sound familiar?

To quote my friend Brian, the long and the short of it is this:  “We spent the past 60 years getting to a point in which we now have a choice as to how we live our lives... use it.”  Don’t let habits, stubbornness, or subjectivity get in your way!  It’s like Richard Feynman once said, “There is no harm in doubt and skepticism, for it is through these that new discoveries are made.”  Be your own skeptic. 

In the end, there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong,’ as it relates to the furniture setup.  Please don’t take that as the purpose of this article.  What I am trying to portray is that differing generations sometimes view things differently.  If someone from the 1950’s was lifted and moved to today, they would get STRESSED OUT!  If you put someone from today into the 1950’s they might get bored.  It’s just a different mindset.  The purpose of this article is to remind everyone of the need for that changed mindset because without it, things can seem pretty stressful. 

Have a great rest of the week everyone!   As always, these articles are written for your use. If you know of anyone who might find value in this message, we would be grateful if you copied the link above and emailed it to them.  Also, if you know of a leader who might be interested in using ‘Infused Coaching’ with his/her team, please email us at windowthree@me.com.    Thank You!