Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 5:05AM Create YOUR Own World!
Hello everyone and WELCOME back to Window Three! It is to be hoped that you are well. Having just celebrated my two year anniversary, I must admit that I’m still riding high from accomplishing such a wonderful milestone. Thus, with this coming year being our Third year of marriage together, or Three, I expect some pretty amazing things... including the birth of our first child, a baby boy due in November. Enough said.
The other day, I had the most thought provoking thing said to me while I was enjoying dinner with friends and family. It came during the discussion of how leftovers should be put into their respective ‘to go box.’ The person I was eating with had stopped the waitress from taking her leftovers, and asked that the ‘to go box’ be brought back to the table so that my friend could put the leftovers in the box on her own.
When I asked my friend why she didn’t let the waitress take the food and put it into the ‘to go box’ for her, she replied, “you never know what they might do to your food when they take it back to the kitchen... I’ve heard some real horror stories.” To this I replied, “That seems like a pretty untrustworthy approach.” That’s when my friend gave me one of the biggest complements I’ve ever heard,
“Jon, you live in a dream world. I live in the real world, and there are some terrible things that happen in the real world.”
At the time, the statement caught me by surprise and I never really showed my appreciation to my friend like I should’ve. Rather, it was something that I really had to give thought to in order to find the kindness in what was being said.
“Jon, you live in a dream world. I live in the real world, and there are some terrible things that happen in the real world.”
For the rest of this article, we are going to discuss why I interpret the above statement to be so kind. As many of you may have taken it negatively being that it was said in defense to my statement, “That seems like a pretty untrustworthy approach,” and rightly so. We all have our opinions, and who am I to tell someone that her’s is overly negative, which was basically what I was doing.
Two Neighbors
Two neighbors live side by side in one of the better neighborhoods of their town. Neighbor A could be described as overly cautious. Doors are locked at all times, blinds are typically closed, and a top of the line alarm system is in place. Unless you had called ahead, if you were to knock on the door of Neighbor A, it would not be answered. Neighbor A spends a good deal of his day watching the news as it constantly gives him an understanding of what is going on elsewhere in the world and what he needs to protect himself against.
Neighbor B is the opposite. He rarely locks his doors on either his car or his home. His keys are always left in the ignition, and at times his wallet can be found in the center console. Neighbor B cares very little about the news or even television in general as most of his time is spent doing more active things like hiking, camping or working on some project in his yard. If you were to ask Neighbor B what his thoughts were on health care or the recent election he would say, “I’m not sure what to think, but if we can all agree that it needs fixed, well then we better bring in someone that isn’t afraid to get their hands dirty... outside of that, I don’t really care who gets elected.”
Neighbor A and B talk very little as their lives are so different. However when they do, it’s fairly obvious to the casual observer the varying differences in attitude. The conversations are tempered in such a way that their discussions include the three “S”s...subtle, short and shallow.
One evening, there is a break-in at the house of Neighbor B. At the time, he was away on one of his camping trips so the thieves were able to clean out the entire home. In fact, it wasn’t until two days later, when Neighbor B got home that he realized what had happened. And while Neighbor B was far from being happy about the incident, his attitude was such that things like this happen and he wasn’t going to let it rob him of his well being.
As the cops were going through the home, Neighbor B stood out in front of his home. Neighbor A walked up to discuss the incident. “Wow, they sure cleaned you out pretty good, huh!? I’m sorry something like this happened,” said Neighbor A. “That’s life... you gotta take the good with the bad sometimes,” Neighbor B responded. “Well, let me know if there is anything I can do to help”, Neighbor A offered, he continued, “You know, you should lock up your house more often and get a security system like me. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about it.”
Create Your Attitude... Create Your World
Suppose an alien landed in your back yard and asked you to describe the world in which you live. What would you say? How would you respond? This comes awfully close to touching on an idea presented in “Window Three, You Always Have a Choice,” “There is no right or wrong... there is only now.”
The truth is that every single one of us would describe the world differently because we all live in a different world. We all define ‘right‘ and ‘wrong‘ differently, and our definitions change with our attitudes. Our attitudes change with our emotions. Our emotions change with our experiences.
The world is not as big of a place as we think it is. It’s similar to what Bobby Jones claims is the true place golf is played, “Golf is a game that is played on a five and a half inch course...the distance between your ears.” In much the same way, that is also how your life is lived and how each of our own individual worlds are created.
Somewhere there is a young child growing up in a poverty stricken area with very little food, no place to sleep and very little assurance of a better life tomorrow. But he’s happy because he chooses to be. He spends his time looking at reasons why he should be happy. That’s the world he chooses.
Somewhere there is a wealthy business owner living in an elite neighborhood surrounded by anything you can imagine. He fears what is going to happen with our government, and what will happen with our markets. Tomorrow he is playing golf with some clients of his, but isn’t looking forward to it. He has other things on his mind and they are bringing him down. That’s the world he chooses.
Is Your Glass Half Empty or Half Full?
If you choose to live with stress, please know that it is a choice. If you choose to live in fear, again, it’s a choice. You are where you are because of the choices you’ve made. You feel how you feel because of the choices you’ve made, and the world you’ve created is based on the emotion you’ve received from those choices you’ve made.
In our example of the two neighbors you saw one, Neighbor A, who lived in fear and another, Neighbor B, who didn’t. The irony came though when the neighbor A mentioned to neighbor B that he should lock his doors more often and get an alarm so that he wouldn’t have to worry anymore. However, Neighbor B didn’t worry, nor was he going to... and he was even robbed. Neighbor B made a choice that while the thieves can take whatever they want from his external world; he wasn’t going to let them take a thing from his inner world.
In other words, you can spend as much time as you like trying to manipulate your external environment, however what good do you think that will do if you can’t even control your internal one... you know... that one that is only five and a half inches wide.
When someone tells me that I’m living in a dream world, I take that as a compliment. It means I view the world in such a way that it can be defined as ‘a dream.’ And quite simply... that is a good way to describe how I feel. I have a loving family, wonderful friends, a loving wife, an enjoyable career, and a baby boy being born this year. Will I do things to protect them? Certainly, but not because of fear.
Every day you have a choice, to see the world as a scary place in which terrible things are just a moment away, or a wonderful place in which you have been given the most amazing gift of all...TIME. Today, do something special with your TIME. Go for a walk, meet up with a friend, or turn off the T.V. After doing so, make note of how that activity improved your emotions. Realize that you do have a choice. It’s called your attitude.
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It's more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is that we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that it is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... We are in charge of our attitudes.”
Charles Swindoll
Have a great rest of the week everyone! As always, these articles are written for your use. If you know of anyone who might find value in this message, we would be grateful if you copied the link above and emailed it to them. Also, if you know of a leader who might be interested in using ‘Infused Coaching’ with his/her team, please email us at windowthree@me.com. Thank You!
Reader Comments (4)
Awesome post Jon! I love the perspective of Neighbor B - and it reminds me of a similar idea that I read in the book, "The Music Lesson" by Victor Wooten (world famous bass guitar player). In that book there is a story of a man (Man A) who has his car broken into and some valuable items stolen. When recounting the story to another friend (Man B), Man A is focusing on the negative aspect of this experience and talking about how he needs to increase his level of security to make sure that doesn't happen again. Man B listens, thinks for a moment, and then responds, "Instead of working really hard and paying more money to up-level your security system in your car, why don't you just stop creating reasons for your car to be broken into?" I believe that the point Man B is getting at is : Don't Be So Attached to External, Physical Items for Self - Validation. Another way to say that might be "Before you look to change external conditions, why not focus on the only 3 things you can control in this world - your thoughts, the images you visualize in your mind, and the actions you take." Thanks Jon!
Thanks Patrick,
I'd never read "The Music Lesson," but may have to put it on the list! I really like that line you mentioned, "Instead of working really hard and paying more money to up-level your security system in your car, why don't you just stop creating reasons for your car to be broken into?" Your explanation was great...why I feel this is so difficult for so many of us revolves around the idea of 'letting go.'
Jon
Hey Jon, sorry this may be long. First off Congratulations on the expectant birth of your son! I gotta tell you I began reading your book "Window Three" on New Year's Eve of this year and barely put it down until I was finished. At the age of 56, as you had stated; I have experienced many failures in the choices I have made to create emotion in the lives of others and myself. Even still I know that I am a better person today than last year at this time so I continue to share your book with those who are an important part of my life.
Today my wife and I returned from a trip to San Francisco and after settling in I was at the computer staring at the number of 97 e-mails in my 'in box' - taking top billing was "Weekly Fire" and I had to chuckle, for when we arrived in Chicago we had a great lunch at 'Antico Posto - Italian Cafe & Wine Bar' in Oak Brook, where they removed our leftovers and returned them boxed, bagged and labeled :) Jon you do a great job of seeing and appreciating the views of others and I commend you for that.
It would be wrong of me not to use this forum to share with you and your readers some comments about those who created emotion in us during our trip to SF. Not only were we there to attend a conference on how social media can play a big role in today's business model but our 25th Wedding Anniversary. Jeff Taylor, founder of Monster.com and Tributes.com was an enjoyable guest speaker. The emotion began at Budget Car Rental with Jason a trainee - get him a name tag and raise! We stayed at the W Hotel where EVERYONE is committed to providing the experience of "Whatever - Whenever". The spectacular drive along the Pacific Coast Highway... well we will praise our Creator for that one and ok maybe the California Highway Dept. We then had a sensational day Friday in Sonoma Valley finding ourselves in Healdsburg at the wine tasting rooms of Thumbprint Cellars, Williamson Wines and Topel Wines where Kevin and a host of other engaging and knowledgeable staff were eager to answer our many questions and even recommend the achievments of others including Selby Winery who has served the past three Administrations in the White House.
I would like to recognize from all of this, that the majority of these individuals who created the greatest emotion for us were young people in their 20's. It's great to know, that generation embraces the willingness to provide such a great level of service. Jon, kudos to you for sharing your knowledge with others and thanks for listening . Randy
Wow, RD, you truly made my day with your post and it is AWESOME to hear stories of encounters with individuals who add to your life, not take away! When I share information relating to organizations that use our INFUSED Coaching, I like to lead with yours as it serves as a reminder that emotion is a universal language that we carry with us even beyond our time on this earth. With emotion, we all get a chance to paint and capture our own world and it makes no difference at what point in life we finally decide to grab a brush...thank you for sharing and for your kind remarks as they relate to the Window Three Book! There should be another one coming out in the next six months that will be a "best of" for our first season's blog. The ACTUAL second one as it relates to the first one is in the works, but taking longer than I expected to put together but may make an appearance in a couple years.
Thanks