Thursday, July 14, 2011 at 2:02PM When You Can't Take Anymore
CLEAN UP IN AISLE THREE
It is a muggy Tuesday morning and Dr. Frederick Mason is just beginning to stir after what seemed, a short and inefficient night’s sleep. Having had it’s snooze button hit multiple times, the alarm goes off again. Dr. Mason looks at the time, “Damn it!,” he shouts. “I over slept again!” He leaps out of bed and begins the process of getting ready for his day and the surgery for which he might be late. Dr. Mason is an Oncologist at Mount Sinai University in Maryland, his first procedure today begins promptly at 8 a.m
Now showered, shaved, and clothed, Dr. Mason heads downstairs where, due to the lack of time to eat a sufficient breakfast, he grabs a pop-tart and heads out the door. It’s muggy and Dr. Mason immediately makes note, “Damn, it’s hot outside!”
Like most days, Dr. Mason’s trip to work comes complete with slow traffic and individuals that lack both driving skills and urgency. “Let’s move it, Tuffy Mustang! Listen, if you're gonna drive a car like that, you better plan to keep pushing on the gas through the yellow lights! It’s hard for me to go if the idiot in front of me won’t!” Mason snaps.
Upon walking into the office, Dr. Mason is immediately met by the surgery coordinator. “Your patient’s paperwork is complete and she is ready when you are Dr. Mason. When should I tell the team you’ll be starting?” “Doris, as soon as I’m ready, you’ll be the first to know!” Dr. Mason replies harshly. “Just make certain everything is setup properly. I’m heading to talk with the patient now, and then I’ll expect to get underway! Oh, and Doris, when I say I want it setup properly...I mean PROPERLY! I’ve had a rough start today and I don’t need another reason to unload on somebody!”
With the patient informed, prepped and ready to go, Dr. Mason walks into the operating room to start the procedure. He looks at the mayo tray (instrument tray). Something is missing. “Where are the Serrated Crown Scissors?” Dr. Mason asks. His stare transfers from the mayo tray to the Surgical Technician...
YOUR CUP
Have you ever had to apologize for losing your temper? Or maybe I should ask, was there ever a moment that you SHOULD have apologized for losing your temper? Sure, we all have had momentary lapses of control. We all have had those perfect storms that take advantage of both time and opportunity and push our levels of stress past what the levies were designed to handle.
As the scenario above indicates, every individual has his own cup that represents the amount of stress that can be handled. Some cups are larger than others. Some individuals are better about controlling the amount of stress in their cups than others. But no matter the case, all of us, at one point or another, have allowed stress to not only fill up our cup, but have allowed the cup to overflow and splash anyone that might be around at the time of the spill.
Do me a favor and imagine, not only your cup, but the cups of some of your key accounts. How big are those cups? How full are those cups at varying times in the day? How do those key accounts react when those cups spill over? What impact does one spill have on a relationship...any relationship? This cup represents just one aspect of emotional intelligence.
If you’ll remember, Window Three defines emotional intelligence as a person’s ability to understand oneself and others, and to feature this understanding through choices, and the use of effective communication. Note that this definition includes the statement, “understand ONESELF and others.” So emotional intelligence is not just about recognizing the needs of your key accounts. In fact, what this article will suggest is that recognizing the needs of others can only be accomplished with a thorough understanding of yourself.
If Dr. Mason was truly an emotionally intelligent individual, he would have taken the necessary steps to ensure that his cup never got to the point of overflowing. How? Well, there are a number of different ways, but it might have included better time management, exercising, going to bed earlier (or not watching television in bed), taking necessary steps to ensure a good night’s sleep, etc. The truth is, there are hundreds of different ways that Dr. Mason could have reduced his level of stress, however, and as always the case, habits kept that from happening. And it’s these habits that are the reason that Dr. Mason, while very good at his job, probably doesn’t set the stage for his team to be most efficient.
THE OTHER DAY
The other day I was having a conversation with a Doctor highly respected in his field. We were discussing emotional intelligence and it’s use in varying industries. “I can see where it would be beneficial for most people, but I just don’t see Doctors having any application of emotional intelligence,” the Doctor said. “None so blind as those who will not see,” I thought to myself.
We continued on with our discussion and the Smart Doctor did his best to convince me that emotional intelligence didn’t apply to his field. He used “my point is,” twelve times in his explanation, and many examples in which he felt the ‘firm’ approach with his team was the ‘only approach’ that could be applied. I tried to explain that each individual is motivated differently and part of emotional intelligence is understanding the unique approach for differing individuals and then being able to execute said approach. I also tried to explain that patients also have unique needs in regards to how they need communication. I was unsuccessful with both attempts. The Doctor was committed, and to him his skills as a surgeon were all that mattered. However, the Doctor did go on to tell me that he had a semester course that dealt with communication. I chuckled. Didn’t we all?
THE TRUTH ABOUT EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Most people view emotional intelligence in one of two ways: 1) those that have a high level of emotional intelligence see it as an indispensable skill that has been the driving force for their success, and 2) those that have low levels of emotional intelligence see it as one of those ‘feel good’ topics that can be overcome by hard work. There is value with both views. Hard work can take you a long way, and when you’ve spent your whole life using hard work to get you places, why would you switch boats midstream? At the same time, emotional intelligence is a pretty powerful engine to strap on to the back of your boat. The goal should therefore be to use both.
The difficult part about emotional intelligence is understanding that those emotionally intelligent individuals, the ones who can commit to a question, listen at level three and respond to a person’s emotions, can only do so because they are in control of themselves. They understand their own needs and are able to make the choices needed to satisfy those needs, FIRST. Similar to Maslow’s Hierarchy, only then are they able to be successful in their communication and choices made regarding others.
In other words, Dr. Mason from our initial story, would have needed to be in control of himself prior to being able to communicate with his team effectively. He would have had to make choices that gave him more sleep and allowed him time to be mentally prepared for his day. Only then could he give back to his team. As it stood though, Dr. Mason was unable to control his own actions and therefore spent the entire morning trying to regain control of his own emotions. If you are in control of yourself, emotional intelligence will follow.
When you think about people in your life that are emotionally intelligent, that is they listen well, they are creative with their ideas, they ask great questions, and they leave others with an overall, positive feeling, you must realize that their skills go well beyond those momentary interactions. Those individuals are emotionally intelligent because they satisfy their own wants and needs prior to any conversation they might have.
Exercise, healthy diets, time management, discipline, and accomplishment are all words that an emotionally intelligent person uses in his or her own life. Only then are they able to commit to others.
LEADERSHIP
If you oversee others, then the first part to communicating with them successfully comes from communicating with yourself effectively and honestly. What are your weaknesses? Do you know them? Do you want to know them? If you did know them, would you be disciplined enough to change your habits?
Just because you have become successful through past approaches does not mean you’ve achieved your potential. It just means that you are only using half the engine. And anyone who knows about engines can tell you that if it’s not firing on all cylinders, then it’s being exposed to undue STRESS. Oh, would you look at that, we just used a word that describes that majority of professionals today. Look beyond the typical short-term programs that are ineffective at achieving balance. Let us show you how: Infused Coaching.
Reader Comments (12)
Your thoughts immediately after reading these articles are always appreciated. Through your feedback I can better understand what ideas you most appreciate. Thank you! Jon
Best article yet, and being that I've read them all, that should say a lot! You have a way with analogies that both, get the message across and make it applicable to all areas of a person's life. I've been watching your company from a distance, and as fellow trainer, I can tell you that you and your team are making strides in the right direction. It's a direction that not everyone will be able to follow do to what you talk a lot about, habits. Nonetheless, I wish you the best. Don't worry, you have yet to establish yourself in my market so I don't yet consider you the competition, and I hope I never have to. Thanks for another great article. ~S.F.
As it turns out, I think my cup is more like a shot glass! Ha Ha! All joking aside, this did make me realize that my threshold for stress might be a bit lower than most. The story at the beginning sounded a lot like myself...bummer. I like how you tied in emotional intelligence into control of yourself.
Can't match the comments of Superfly, but I agree in that this was a great article. How do I find out more about the Infused Coaching?
Tiny&Rad - First, nice name, and I'm curious from where it was derived. Second, click on the contact us link at various spots throughout the website.
SuperFly - Also, nice name and thank you for the kind words. I'm curious, what market are you in?
Knowing prior to the article that the amount of stress I can handle is lower than most before the perfect storm erupts, I found most interesting as I read the RE-ACTIONS to others stress levels from the physician. When I burst and take my actions out on others, how does this affect their levels/days/daily interactions? I am in sales. My job is to make my customers happy. That being said, I take my frustrations out very frequently on people who do not deserve it. Again, I am still pondering their RE-ACTIONS... where does this end on who they in turn effect?
Recently I have tried to slow things down a little. Get the good night sleep a bit early, the slightly before wake-up so I'm not rushed, an extra amazing breakfast before the start of an efficient day. It makes a difference to my day. Now, I'm beginning to realize it probably makes a difference in others days as well.
Great article, Jon! My cup is also the size of a shot-glass, so I found this very useful :) You made me think about how my cup-status affects those around me, and how I can try to be aware of the cup-status of others.
Jon - Great article I would say that my cup is probably the size of a septic tank! I just take in the crap from all angles of life and don't let it bother me. I would say that I am one that quietly gets things done and rolls with the punches of life. I would say that my life is in order. I figure that we have one life to live and why sweat over the little details. Sometimes, we just need to step back and ask ourselves, "Is this really worth getting all excited about?" I would say that 98% of the time it is not.
I do see the benefit of having people in the world that stress over the finer details in life they seem to yearn and excel with those feelings (stress, anxiety, and getting to that boiling point) but I am not one of them.
Until next time friends.
Great article---my glass is a shot glass---haha. Funny how we treat our families and treat strangers in a different way. The doc in the article most likely would blow up at his family or his surgical staff that he has to count on each and every day but when it comes to a stranger------they probably think he is the greatest guy they ever met.
Ericka M - Thanks for the post and the kind words!
"Crapper Full" - And I thought I was good at analogies! That's a great one!
"Doc" Snyder - Great observation. I've worked with many doctors who have great customer skills, but when it comes down to their family and/or team, they...well....STINK. It's a reminder of Self Importance. That Doctor is fulling his needs. While he may seem emotionally intelligent with his patients, if he can't keep that same persona up with all aspects of his life than it is a self-important front. Very common. Thanks!
Jon
Good thoughts from Doc Snyder. Never really thought about it like that and compared what seemed to be TRUE INTEREST with self importance. I guess maybe that interest wasn't so true.
I am having one of those days today. Must be a Monday thing. Good read!